Modern Business Techniques with Danny: 1 - Pulling a Sickie

I am a diligent and dedicated worker, of many years standing. The rewards this has brought me are manifold, from a string of executive promotions and bonuses, to commemorative plaques being erected around my workplace bearing my name. However even I, with both my professional telephone manner, team spirit and can-do attitude, occasionally feel the need to stop and smell the roses every now and again. As such, I keep a list of convincing ailments next to my phone, and when the need arises, I phone my employer, citing one of the following as a reason that, unfortunately, I won't be able to make it to my job of work that day:

1. Hot Arms
2. Piemaker's Cramp
3. The Gubbas (A Dose Thereof)
4. Special K
5. Lenska's Palsy (Sudden compulsion to eat a live rabbit in the presence of Dennis Waterman)
6. "Sailors' Diseases"
7. Sexual Healing
8. Itchy Mind
9. Coventry Flu (Key symptoms - lasers from eyes, sweaty teeth, sudden and meaningful communication with wood, etc)
10. Bum Ache

Please, feel free to use any of this list with your employer, should you have one. I'd be delighted to hear what comes of your cunning ruse, and if your employer demands to examine you personally (as mine did, much to my chagrin...)